Tannaz's Poems and Memoirs: 2010

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Monday, November 1, 2010

Staring Out The Window

All I do is stare out the window.

I am looking for something but don’t know what

Everything looks so gray and sad outside

Could it be that what I am feeling inside is

portraying itself to me on the outside

I don’t know.

How can I know?

Do I know anything anymore?

Do I realize what is happening?

Do I even know myself anymore?

God, I feel so lost.

I am looking for hope, but all I see is fear.

Others are laughing I can hear them.

They are outside, but how could that be?

Isn’t it gray and sad for them as well?

Stop laughing!

Don’t you feel the pain I feel?

Don’t you see the darkness that I am seeing?

Stop laughing please!

Why is it, that I only see’s their beautiful day so gloomy?

Oh, how I long to hear the birds chirping outside my window

Oh, how I long to hear nature and all the sounds it makes

But today is the day that life decided to give up on me

As I had given up on life years ago

What I wish for now will never be at my grasp again

I shall live the of my life in pain and sorrow

I tried to fight it

I really tried

I never wanted to give up

But now I realize that life got tired of fighting for me and not seeing me fight in return

I feel cold from head to toe

Even the sun is grey to me and not warming my body

I am slowly withering away.

I am numb but still feel pain

Now how is that possible?

I want to be numb and yet feel no pain

Soon the numbness will take over

Where I will no longer feel anymore?

I will no longer hurt anymore?

I will no longer suffer anymore?

I am ready to go life.

Take me for I belong to you

Take me for I cannot bare this shame anymore

Take me now so I don’t feel anymore

Please I beg you, not another second

Now!

Take me! I have had enough

I am ready for my last breath.

Tannaz Samimi

10-27-10